Funny
status updates
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X just read a list of 'the
100 things to do before you die'.
I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them... |
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| Velcro is a ripoff |
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Women are amazing--they get
wet without water, bleed without injury,
and make boneless things hard. |
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X bets that chickens really
hate Easter…
after all, how would you feel if you people ate
all of your eggs and some stupid rabbit got all
the credit? |
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Have you ever wondered why
there is a "Stairway to Heaven" and a "Highway
to Hell"?
Apparently there is more traffic going South
than North... |
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X love having the power to
make you read my status updates for no reason.
Who's my b*tch? That's right you are! |
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| You know, there's one good
thing about Monday and it's...... hmm....
wait... let me get back to you on that. |
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| They couldn't repair my
brakes, so they made my horn louder. |
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| God was the greatest
inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam
and made a loudspeaker |
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| X no longer have any
interest in boobs or reverse psychology... |
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| you know you're getting old
when you see a beautiful 19 year old girl and
wonder what her mother looks like. |
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| Moving sucks! Why hasn't
anyone invented Copy and Paste for real life?
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| X was just thinking if God
didn’t want us to masturbate he would have made
our arms shorter… |
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| X likes poetry, long walks
on the beach.... and poking dead things with a
stick. |
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| If women did not exist, all
of the money in the world would have no meaning.
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| If crime doesn't pay... Does
that mean my job is a crime? |
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| X is so smart she makes
smart people feel retarded. |
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| My girlfriend always laughs
during sex---no matter what she's reading. |
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| X don't know how to tell my
parents they're adopted. |
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| X says Men: You can't live
with them, but you can't have heterosexual sex
without them. DAMN!! |
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| My gf says I never listen to
her (or something like that) |
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Weird... I just found a
haystack on top of this needle...
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When I was young I used to
pray for a bike, then I realized that God
doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness |
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| X came from a real tough
neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window
I hurt somebody's fingers. |
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| The big difference between
sex for money and sex for free is that sex for
money usually costs a lot less. |
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| X is really really hoping
the weekend comes as fast as my ex!! |
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My wife told me that she was
seeing someone else because she was fed up with
my bad habits.
I nearly choked on my toenail |
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| Update your status
right here |
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